He started exercising, eating better, improving his style and hygiene, expanding his social circle, and actually asking girls out. In some ways red pill did make him more attractive. He eventually got a girlfriend (not his crush) which “proved” red pill worked. My brother, who also had a long time crush on a female friend that was not reciprocated, “took the red pill” two years ago. He is what red pillers call “beta” and earlier generations of men called “pussy whipped.” My siblings and I grew up in this dysfunctional household without a solid model for how men (or women) act in healthy relationships. My father has many positive traits: he is intelligent, hardworking, and caring, but he is socially awkward does not stand up for himself. Part of this is a fundamental lack of compatibility (they didn’t want to get married but did because of unexpected pregnancy), but it is also because our father allows my mother abuse and manipulate him. My parents have a feminist marriage, since my mother is the breadwinner, however my parents are not happy together. I ask because I want something to offer men my age and younger when they say acting “alpha” is their only way to get the relationship they want. Many people recognize that this mindset is very dangerous, but all criticism from women and feminist men only makes fun of their more extreme points rather than offering an alternative to men and boys that are frustrated. They claim to not hate women and focus on self improvement, but believe men must establish control/dominance over the women in their lives in order to “get sex”, and that women are intellectually/morally inferior to men. Some their “dating” advice is basically descriptions of abusive relationships. It’s a mindset that shows up a lot in the nether regions of the internet that’s basically a mix of PUA and Men Going Their Own Way, but with a lot more violent misogyny. My brother’s gotten caught up in the Red Pill Philosophy. One of the more vocal subsets of this particular philosophy is known as The Red Pill.īefore I get too much further into this, allow me to share the email that prompted all of this: They see relationships as a fight for dominance and sex as a god-given right that’s being kept from them by women because REASONS. They feel that women have somehow gained an unfair advantage in the world, making it virtually impossible for a heterosexual, cisgendered white man to get a break. Of course, there are a lot of people who don’t feel this way. The Pick-Up community, for example, can be of use to men wanting to do better at dating, in theory… but so much of pick-up is based around mistaken ideas regarding gender roles and female sexuality that it’s difficult to sort the gold from the toxic, rape-y dross. I mention all of this because one of the things I’m always pushing against are the toxic philosophies that so often masquerade as dating advice. In fact, many of these cultural biases end up coloring the study of relationships and human sexuality, letting confirmation bias and naturalistic fallacies distort scientific inquiry. Much of what we assume to be the accepted wisdom regarding relationships is based around intellectual fallacies and cultural assumptions with no actual fact behind them. The people who do best with women are the ones who not only understand them but, critically, don’t view them as opponents, enemies or inferiors. As I’m fond of saying, dating success is 80% attitude and 20% skill, and a lot of that attitude involves both issues of masculinity and also understanding and empathizing with women. One of the reasons why I write about feminist issues or bad behavior within the geek community is because, frankly, getting better at dating is a holistic system. You may have noticed over the years that I cover a lot of topics that don’t seem to fit squarely in this blog’s mission statement of helping nerds date better.

Red pill with i 2